Hitchhiking To Guatamala Part 14

Windy and Loyal learn that American tourist aren't the worst tourists.

We had a couple hours on the bus which we spent swapping travel stories and sharing our spicy peanut mix which we now consumed out of a sense of duty to our pledge to spend our money more conservatively. Our German friends found it revolting but continued eating it along with us. I shared some oranges and sliced up an avocado.

“Thanks for the avocado.” Windy said. “I think that I will not want to eat avocado again for a year after we get home. I am thoroughly sick of avocados.”

“I am going to buy more the next chance I get. I don’t think I am capable of getting sick of avocados.”

“Hey, how are you guys shitting?” Windy asked.

“Excuse me?” Lo responded.

“He is asking us how we are shitting?” Anna asked, thinking she must have misunderstood him.

“Windy, why are you asking them that? That’s really gross.” I said, laughing. As he turned a glowing shade of red. I felt bad. I explained to our new friends that we had had many conversations about bowel movements with various people we had stumbled into on this trip. 

“Oh, yes. I understand. A good shit is a sign of good health.” Lo said. 

“Yes. My, how did you say, movements, my movements, they have been good but I am being very careful not to drink the water. I hear the water gives you bad movements. This is why I am only drinking beer and tequilla.” Anna shared. 

“So how are you shitting, Windy.” I asked, laughing.

“Still good,” he said, turning to face forward. “And I still hate you.” 

The truth is I was not shitting good and I was sure the spicy peanut mix was mostly to blame. Why did we have to buy such a large bag?

We reached Chichen Itza before sunset and found a cheap room. It was a plain white box with a tiny bathroom and two beds. There were no hooks for hammocks. “I’m not sure I still remembered how to sleep in a bed.” I joked as we sat down at a cafe to have beers and dinner.

“You have been sleeping in hammocks all nights.” Anna asked.

“Yes. We have been mostly sleeping outside. Hitchhiking and finding places to pitch a hammock.” Windy answered. We both had some pride in our adventurousness.

“You are lucky to be men.” Anna said.

“Oh yeah? How is that?” Windy asked.

“It is not safe for women to travel like this with hitchhiking and sleeping wherever you want. It is nice that you can do this. For us, trusting two American boys to share a hotel room is very dangerous. This is the danger that we are having.” she replied.

“It is a very different world for women.” Lo added.

“That sucks.” I said.

“Yes. That sucks.” Lo agreed.

We ate very hot salsa until our cheeks were flushed and washed it down with cold beers. “We will buy you shots, American good boys.” Anna said. We had shots of tequila. And then Lo bought a round of shots and we had more tequila. And then I bought a round and some guacamole and got a disapproving look from Windy.

We got back to our room feeling tipsy and full. “There’s a beautiful moon out.” Windy observed. “Anyone want to go for a walk?”

“I would like to walk with you in the beautiful moon.” Anna said.

Lo said something to Anna in German that sounded sharp. Anna did not reply but made a sour face and then said to Windy, “Come, let’s have our moon walk.” They both gave me a dirty look when I laughed. 

I was acutely aware of being alone in the room with Lo. I tried not to be in such situations. I learned that it’s easiest to stay faithful by avoiding opportunities to be unfaithful. “Are you guys having an argument?” I asked. “That sounded heated.”

“Its nothing. Anna just seems to think we can never run out of money.” Lo said.

“Oh. Windy and I are having the same tension.”

“Windy is irresponsible and childish with money?” she asked.

“No. In our scenarios I’m the Anna.” I said. “Actually, I’m Frog.”

“Frog and Toad?”

“Yes. Frog and Toad.”

“Frog is taller.”

“Ha, yeah, but that’s not what I mean. Frog is ridiculous. Toad is the responsible one. Toad takes care of his business.”

“Then why don’t you be more like Toad?”

“I don’t know. It’s not intentional, it's just not who I am. I’m Frog.” 

“So I am Toad?”

“Yeah, I think so.” 

“Well I hate to be Toad all the time.” Lo complained. “Frog gets to be fun and funny and everyone likes Frog but where would Frog be without Toad? Frog wouldn’t have even gotten to go to Mexico if Toad hadn’t helped her.”

“Well, Toad helps Frog because Toad has a better time with Frog. Frog is fun, fun for Toad too.”

“Well, I’m going to be Frog now too. Windy can be Toad for us all. Or Windy can be Frog too, I don’t care.” she said.

“Ha. Four Frogs. I don’t know if we’d survive. I don’t know if Chichen Itza is ready for four Frogs.”

When Windy and Anna returned Lo and I were sitting cross legged on one of the beds. She was teaching me how to play backgammon. They walked to the other bed and it was clear they’d had more to drink. I noticed they were holding hands.

“Hello Frog.” Lo said.

“Hey Toad.” I said. 

“I think we missed something.” Windy said.

They sat on the other bed and watched us play backgammon. Then they lay back, and a short time later we heard by their breathing that they had fallen asleep. 

“We should get some sleep.” I suggested. “I’ll wake up Windy.”

“No, let him sleep. They look so content.” she said. “Don't worry I won’t jump on you. Us Toads have very good self control.”

“I thought you were Frog now.”

“I wish. I can only be Toad.” She changed into adorable white flannel pajamas with rainbows on them, and I pulled the thin but warm camp blanket out of my pack and we went to sleep back to back on the small bed.

In the morning we awoke and caught a shuttle to Chichen Itza. Windy and Anna behaved like a couple as we explored the ruins which was only uncomfortable for the first hour. Lo and I enjoyed talking and joking and got past the feeling of being two third wheels.

There was a pyramid designed so that on the spring and fall equinox a shadow would create two snakes down each side of the pyramid. The guide was explaining to us that lights were being installed to create this phenomenon daily. “But, that’s horrible. That’s, I don’t know, blasphemous and cheap.” I groused.

“Yes. This is a cheap idea. It is tacky.” Lo agreed.

We had not intended to be heard by our guide. “I think it will be wonderful.” she responded. “We will not use the lights on the actual equinox. You can still come and experience it, but wouldn’t it be great if you could experience it tonight?” she said, somewhat snarkily. I guessed we were not the first to find this idea gauche. The tourists around us agreed, and gave us dirty looks which made us laugh.

We found a spot to take a rest on top of a pyramid. “American tourists are the worst tourists, yes?” I asked as I tossed back a handful of spicy peanut mix that I was now sure was slowly poisoning me.

“No. Not at all.” Lo answered. “Americans and English are about the same. Pretty obnoxious, but the Japanese tourists are the worst tourists. I love Japan and I love everything Japanese except their businessmen tourists. They are pushy and rude.”

Anna told us a story of a Japanese tourist at one of the ruins they’d visited. “There were monkeys and they were very cute, sleeping you know, but he does not want to see them sleeping. He wants them to be funny and to make him laugh and so he is throwing little pebbles at them to try to wake them up. There is a fence and they are behind the fence, you understand? And then he gets a stick and he pokes one of them with the stick and it looks at him, very angry it looks, and he is laughing and the monkey takes the stick. He gets another stick and he pokes the monkey again. I have not known or seen a monkey to move so fast as this monkey. It was sleeping and then it was jumping and on his shoulder and up a tree with his glasses. And he says ‘Give me my glasses monkey!’ and he stomps his foot and the monkey holds the glasses out to him but he pulls them away from the man before the man can grab them. And we are all laughing so now the man gets what he wants; the monkey is being funny but he does not like it. The monkey then bites the glasses and pulls off one, I think arm, he pulls off the one arm and throws it to the man. Then the other arm. Then he bites the glass of the glasses and it breaks and he breaks the other glass too and then he breaks the glasses in half and each piece he throws to the man, and then he goes back to his spot and he goes back to sleep.”

“I am so glad to hear there is someone worse behaved than our tourists.” I laughed.

“American tourists are pretty bad.” Windy says.

“What about you? Are you bad American tourists?” Anna asks.

“We’re not tourists. We’re backpackers. It’s different.” I answered, emphatically.

“Totally different.” Windy answered, equally emphatic. 

“We are backpackers too?” Lo asks.

“Yes, but you have nice backpacks so you’re not as cool as us.” I said. 

“Oh it is cool to have a sore back.” Lo said. “What about German tourists? German tourists are cool.” She stressed the word cool the way Germans do when using a slang word that they have picked up from listening to Americans talk. 

“Honestly, I have to admit Germans are the best. You all love to travel. Everywhere we go there are Germans and we always get along with them and they keep saving my ass.” I said, before telling them about the two times a German helped me out of a fight.  

“We are the best!” Anna shouted.