The Royal was packed. The supposed rule of comedians and friends of comedians was not enforced other than asking each guest “Are you comic or a friend of a comic” as they came in. Everyone understood the correct answer was yes and they were then invited to drop whatever amount of money, mostly wadded up singles, into the big bucket.
Loyal insisted on sitting next to Kiry to make sure he was sufficiently impressed by the musical cameos. “Oh shit, James Brown! Aretha, Goddamn! Was that John Lee Hooker? No way, Ray Charles!” And Carrie Fisher brought the house down with her machine gun antics. It was Loyal’s favorite viewing of his favorite movie, and by some reports he was seen wiping tears from his face as the end credits began. After the show he rushed onto the stage with the bucket to present it to Mars and Hannah.
“I was supposed to have my other Blues Brother with me for this but he’s running around the town being a naked slave or something, and nobody else could fit into his suit so one Blues Brother have to suffice. This bucket represents our love for you Riff Randell, and we hope it is enough to save the day. Sidney, you counted it up? How much did we make?”
Sidney had tried to stop Loyal before he ran on to the stage to tell him the numbers weren’t what they wanted, and needed them to be. “We raised three hundred and seventeen dollars and a dime bag of weed, two Cialis, and some buttons.” he yelled from the crowd.
“Oh. Um, that ain’t gonna do it. Shit, let’s raffle off this dime bag. Do I hear three thousand dollars? Three thousand dollars going once! Three thousand dollars going twice.”
Mars and Hannah walked out onto the stage. Hannah took the mic. “Thank you, Loyal. Thank you everyone, you’re very sweet.” Loyal’s mind was spinning, trying to come up with one more scheme, one more Hail Mary pass. He’d seen enough eighties movies to know, The kids were supposed to save the community center from the slimy real estate developer at the end of the movie.
Hannah passed the mic to Mars. “You guys are the fucking best. Thank you for this. We feel so loved right now. It’s not enough, but it is enough for us to always know that we were the coolest comedy club and comedy festival, the coolest, by far. Also, we’re keeping the money.”
“To buy coke!” some shouted from the crowd.
“I’M NOT ON COCAINE!” Mars snapped back. The audience roared with laughter. “Oh, goddammit.” They exited the stage and the house lights faded up.
“What the hell? We didn’t save the community center. This is bullshit.” Loyal said as he plopped down next to Sidney and Madeline. “I need a drink!”
“You’re gonna have a drink with us?” Sid asked.
“Yes. I’m gonna have a ginger ale!” Loyal answered.
“This late? Damn, you are spiraling.”
“It’s like Jake and Elwood failed to save the orphanage. We were on a mission from God! We didn’t pull off the happy ending miracle.”
“No. I guess we didn’t.” Sidney put his arm around his friend’s shoulders and gave a sympathetic squeeze. “You gave it your best shot though.”
Well damn. Now what do we do? Check back next week for chapter 51.